How to Give Great Feedback that Encourages Effective Future Behaviors (Fast!)
True feedback is a gift of improvement that you give someone.
But for them to be effective, you need to prepare and deliver them well. Here is the simple guide that you can apply on most occasions - be it giving feedback to your team members, your children, or even your boss.
1. ASK them for permission to share your feedback
By letting the other say “Yes” to your question “May I give you feedback?”, you are giving them the chance to prepare their emotion and mind to be more ready for the gift.
And you must honor it if they say No. If you can already tell that they’re not ready for it right now - don’t even bother to ask. Save the feedback for a better time.
2. State the Situation and BEHAVIOR
State the specific Situation you’re referring to and the specific Behavior that you observed from them - it can be the words they say, things they do, their body language, or their product.
To be double clear: It cannot be your guess on their intention, your own emotion, or your judgment. Must be Their.Specific.Behaviors.
3. State the IMPACT
State clearly what was the impact of their behaviors. Most of the time, it’s best to explain the impact on you - because it’s something that you can be certain to be true. In case you must speak out for others, make sure to not “assume” their feelings, but also use observable behaviors here for the impact.
4. Finally, ENCOURAGE FUTURE effective behaviors
If they were doing something great, you can just say “Thanks” here. By showing appreciation after clearly explaining their behavior and the impact, you’ve already nudged them to keep doing it.
If they were doing something bad, this can be as simple as “Can you change that?” or “Could you do differently next time?” - these open questions will give them the empowerment to think and do better for themselves. Of course, when appropriate, you can detail exactly how you want them to change.
Examples of Effective Feedback
Here are 2 examples of effective feedback:
Example 1:
“(ask) Hey, may I share some feedback?” - “Sure, boss”
“(behavior) In your post-mortem, you arranged the points in a table with clear headings and concise text. (impact) It is very easy to read and understand. (encourage) Good job!”
Example 2:
“(ask) Could I share some feedback?” - “Yes, go ahead”
“(behavior) When you interrupted T. multiple times in the meeting (impact) we are missing out on fully understanding T.’s ideas and T. may speak up less. (future) Could you change that?”
This whole Ask-Behavior-Impact-Encourage process will become very quick and natural with practice.
Will you give a Gift-of-Improvement to someone today?
