One Simple Change in Communication to Be A More Human and Effective Leader.
Earlier this year, I learned that my biggest Saboteur is Hyper-Rational - with an “Intense and exclusive focus on the rational processing of everything, including relationships. Can be perceived as cold, distant, and intellectually arrogant.” In short, I am more of a Robot than a Human.
That comes as a total shock to me. I thought I was good at Emotional Intelligence. But when I rationally (!) look at it - it makes sense.
I was excellent at sympathy. I was terrible at empathy.
Still, I asked myself: Is it really something that needs to be “fixed”? Isn’t this Hyper-Rational thing a kind of superpower that got me to my current leadership position, not a shortcoming?
Then one day, a quote from David Hutchens from the excellent Coaching for Leaders podcast struck me like lightning and literally freeze my movement for a few seconds. To rephrase:
“Say emotion words - excited, sad, mad, etc. Even if your face and tone of voice is completely stoic, say it. People need the emotional context to understand your messages.
Such simple advice. And obvious, when it’s being said out loud. But when I recall a recent message I wrote to send along with a small gift to a team, I realize that I did not use any emotional words at all! Despite the fact that I was writing them truly from my heart, with a deep sense of appreciation.
“Thank you for all the dedication to the project, to the team, and to our Studio. This is such a challenging one and it would not be possible without you.
It’s really hard to show enough how much we appreciate your talent and working spirit.
Let’s continue making this game better together!”
Re-reading it now makes me feel pain. It was so empty and cold.
A few weeks later, I get another opportunity to give the team praise after a top-notch release. This time, I dug deep into my own emotions and write:
“The project is extremely important and difficult. When I got it confirmed, I was both excited and a little bit scared. With a brand new and work-in-progress SDK, two platforms to cover, complex partnership, and extreme pressure, it would be overwhelming for any team.
But after a few weeks of overseeing, I was proud and confident with how you work. You are all competent, open-minded, hard-working, honest, and agile. No “doubt” ever appeared in my mind since then.
I am so happy to see such a living proof of HAN studio spirit in you.
If you were a team member, you would prefer to receive the later version rather than the former, wouldn’t you?
Don’t wait, use the tip today. Be a more human Leader.
