You are always the role model for others. Let's do it more effectively with less stress.
Leading by example is neither a choice nor a style. It is inevitable.
By default, your actions will always speak louder than your words. By default, people who admire you and follow you are watching and extract their lessons from everything they see you do. As a leader, you cannot run away from being a Role Model, no matter how stressful or challenging it is.
So, how can you do it more intentionally, with better results and less stress?
First, choose the principles you want to live by
If you are not clear about the few core values most important to you, you are lost from the get-go.
No one can have all the virtues. Everything is a tradeoff. Even good values sometime clash with each other’s. Therefore, it is essential to prioritize a handful of values vital enough that you would make a big effort to live by them.
As an example – I choose Learner as a core principle. I do not accept laziness in thinking. I want me and my children and my team members to think critically, be curious, be resourceful, and have a growth mindset.
Second, explicitly and frequently communicate the principles
Do not expect people to correctly reverse engineer the principles from your behaviors.
As a human, you cannot be 100 percent consistent. As a human, others cannot get to the same core principle just by watching your behaviors – they will have their unique interpretations. So, you must take the time and effort to clearly explain your core values upfront. And repeat it whenever there is an opportunity to strengthen the lesson.
I stick the #Ship30For30 challenge treasure map on the whiteboard and put a big X on each day I publish an essay. My small kids may not be able to understand the hidden Learner principle by themselves, but they don’t have to – I explained that to them.
Third, behave consistently with your principles
The challenge is to act in alignment with your principles not only on big things, but also – and even more critically – on small things.
We are usually aware of and make an intentional effort to do the important things right. It is in the mundane, trivial day-by-day things that we let our guard down, we be lazy, and we betray our principles. And it is exactly in those moments that you seed doubts and confusion and disrespect in your followers.
I never ignore my children when they ask me something I do not know. I answer back, “Wow, I did not know that yet. But I will learn about it.”. Then, if I have time, I try to think about a hypothesis and walk them through my thinking or do a quick search in front of them. If not, I will look it up later.
Finally, acknowledge and share the struggles and mistakes as well
We are not perfect, and the world is complicated. But in moments you trip up, you can turn them into powerful lessons!
What made you fail? How will you improve? How can others avoid the problem beforehand? Explore these vulnerable questions together with your people, and you will gain more trust from them, not less.
There are holes in my #Ship30For30 for 2 days that I was unable to publish. One of them is due to a sick day. Another is on the day we are back after a family trip, and I was too tired. I certainly hope that I could have done better, but what is more important to remember as a Learner? Don’t skip twice.
Who are you leading and what principles do you want to inspire in them?
It is time to take charge and lead by example.
